you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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