i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize