he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
