your room smells of hookers.
And success
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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