Your tits are I can't wait for
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Randomize
