I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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