Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
