I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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