just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
