Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
you made out with another girl for some wings
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
