only if we run a train.
done.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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