I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize