I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
