I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
