I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize