meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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