So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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