He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize