i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
