We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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