She's JV to your varsity
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
