Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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