I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
