the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
