My liver just broke up with me...
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
