I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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