just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize