Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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