I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
