My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
