oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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