how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
