the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
