I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
