I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
