I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
ttyl tear gas
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
