p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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