Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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