I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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