The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
