After last night, I could never be a politician.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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