Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
i think im in europe. pls send help
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
