she was so not down for the gang bang
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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