Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
