If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
