I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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