Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
