I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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