my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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