Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
