I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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