If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize