garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize