I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I need to sanitize my soul.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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