I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
