It's Friday. Sex?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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