I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
