You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
