Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize