On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
