Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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