I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
