goodnight i made you a song goodbye
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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