Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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