Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
the day after is always just damage control
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
