Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
