Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
