went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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