Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize