ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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