gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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