I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize