I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
