Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
