What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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