I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
