You made me cry and you don't even care
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
