since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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