not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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