Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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