Sponge bath it is.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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