He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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