he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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