dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
