wake up i wanna do it froggy style
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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