oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
