Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
