i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
