I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I think my fart just growled at me.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize