you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
