I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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