i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
