I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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